The Moment My Grandma Looking After Me, Became Me Caring For Her.

This is my favourite picture of my Grandma Mavis. I had just convinced her to let me do her hair and makeup. She was a massive part of my childhood.

My earliest memory of Grandma

My mum returned to work 6 weeks after I was born and my Grandma stepped in. She would look after me while Mum and Dad were at work, or she would pick me up from school.

My earliest memory of my Grandma is our days out together. She once took me to a farm and we fed the chickens. The next morning, I woke up with chicken pox and was convinced I had caught it from the chickens at the farm!

I remember sleeping over at Grandma and Grandad’s house; lots of baking, marmalade on toast for breakfast and a bowl of cereal for my supper. Supper was not a common thing at home, so it always felt like a treat at grandma’s house. At Christmas she would always make homemade mince pies. I don’t like mince pies, but I am sure if you spoke to my brother, this would be his favourite memory.

But one day, Grandma stopped driving me to places for our days out, long drives became short walks to the park down the road. Driving turned into getting the bus everywhere. Little me was oblivious to this change and it only truly stands out now I look back.

Alzheimer’s diagnosis

Doctors diagnosed Grandma with early onset Alzheimer’s. I never truly remember there being a turning point with my grandma, with me being so young. However, as I entered high school, my time at Grandma’s house after school was drastically different from in primary school.

One Christmas, she fell on some ice, and this is when she broke her hip for the first time. The anaesthetic did not mix with Alzheimer’s effectively. I spent quite a few Christmas days visiting her in hospital.

I forgot my Grandma’s diagnosis affecting my family that much, apart from Grandad. He had to learn to cook all the meals, do all the washing, ironing, and cleaning. All whilst caring for Grandma.

Becoming a carer for Grandma

One day, my Grandma looking after me in the school holidays slowly changed into me caring for her. I don’t know when it happened I just remember doing it so my Grandad could have a break.

He needed time away from being her carer. He needed to enjoy some time out of the house.

As I remember, at this point it wasn’t the stereotypical forgetting things. It was more paranoia. She obsessed over picking at the carpet or asking when Grandad would be home. I remember as a pre-teen wondering why.

I had to do it when my friends were all out having fun in the school holidays. Now I am so grateful for this time with my Grandma and feel guilty that I even had those thoughts in the first place! I would make her lunch, put Tipping Point or The Chase on TV for her and just be there to answer her abundance of questions. This lasted all through high school, every school holidays.

Grandad couldn’t handle it all anymore which is when Grandma went into care. Grandad did his part for years, but as Grandma became more at risk of falling and Grandad not stable on his feet, it was time.

One Christmas we visited the care home. She wasn’t allowed to drink on her medication, but they offered my mum a glass of Baileys. When no one was looking, my grandma downed the glass of baileys and wondered why it was a “spicy” drink.

Grandma moved between several care homes until she finally settled into one of them. We would all go visit but she was deteriorating.

Constantly worried about where her mum and dad were, who had died way before my time. Slowly, she forgot everyone and didn’t talk anymore. I can’t explain the pain of watching someone who brought you up forget who you were.

COVID outbreak

Then March 2020 hit, and it was lockdown. We did not know when or if we would see Grandma. In early April 2020, the care home called to inform us that there was a COVID outbreak and Grandma tested positive.

It was only a couple of days later when my mum, uncle and grandad were called into the care home. They were told to say goodbye to grandma while wearing full PPE.

I remember the morning of the 17th of April 2020 so clearly. My mum, dad, and I were stuck in the house together, just like any other day in lockdown. My mum got a phone call, it was from the care home and we knew what they were going to say before she answered.

Watching my mum get the news that she had lost her mum was heartbreaking. But to then watch her have to call my uncles and close family members to tell them, was even worse. We didn’t feel like it was real, we had mentally lost her years ago, but now we had physically lost her.

I always explain it as the most heart-breaking yet relieving moment of my life so far. Grandma had died, but she was no longer stuck in a mind and body that was not working anymore. We no longer had to wait by the phone for the heart-breaking call because she had already left.

I may have mentally moaned when I was caring for my Grandma, but they slowly became my fondest memories as I have grown up. Thank you for all the times you looked after me Grandma, I hope I did as good of a job looking after you.